Happy New Year!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
Today is going well and I am happy that 2006 is here. I had a wonderful Christmas Holiday and equally great NYE celebration at my house. I am looking forward to having sex with T for the first time. We have been dating for the past 4 months and the petting has gotten better and better. I look forward to pleasing him in ways that make his toes curl and being equally pleased. The reciprocation comes not from returning a lick or a kiss but because the other truly wants to, there is nothing more enticing than knowing your lover wants to please you as much as you want to please him. I once had a guy who loved eating the pink cookie, he loved to watch me squirm and pull at the sheets, bit e my bottom lip and beg for him to stop. He told me once that my actions were more of a turn on for him than the act itself, that in turn definitely turned me on knowing he was getting turned on. So soon I will learn T’s pleasure spots and what makes him yearn to be inside me. This is the fun exciting part of relationships. When everything is new and fun, the little things he or she does seem cute and not obnoxious. Truth be told I have only gotten past this point once in my life with my first love. We had a four year relationship with talks of marriage that eventually ending with him fathering a child outside our relationship and me moving halfway across the country. Deep down I long for the intimacy that one has when in a long-term relationship. The comfort in knowing that someone loves and accepts you truly for you the whole person you are inside and out with flaws and imperfections, but still loves you. That is what I long for, but recently (the past 10 years) I have run and shut people out when they approach this area. Because of past hurts and past baggage I have developed a new fear of intimacy. Which is weird. I know that the only cure for this is to continue to love myself unconditionally and let people in to see the real me, but at times it is to only hard but also very scary.