Monday

Today is another Monday and I will be in Jamaica in less than three weeks. I am really excited. So anyway its been a while since I’ve written I have been caught up in my self-defeating, self badgering, depressing state of mind. So needless to say I am trying … no I AM coming out of it. So I thank God. I also need to say that I am in recovery. Yes, I probably need to be a member of all the 12step groups that end in Anonymous, but currently I am just attending meetings in one of them. It’s a trip being me, because I am young and single at times I feel as though I should be some where I am not, at times my self-esteem is super low and I feel like crap, then there are days, weeks and months that go by and I feel great. Like I am on top of the world and can handle anything that comes my way. I bought a bathing suit for my trip and the suit is sooo cute, but my ass needs to get back in shape. I don’t remember when I gained this weight. People around me tell me I am cute, have a cute shape and am pretty but I definitely know that this is not me. It feels like this isn’t even my body. Recently I do not recognize my body when I look on the mirror. So I know it is high time to change this. I plan on joining the gym when I return from Jamaica.